The Harrows Wedding Gig Rider

The Deposit

Yea, I know you’re good for it, but we’re not chasing you down in the bridal suite for our dough. So we need cash or certified funds at least 30 days in advance. The base price is $5,000, but you will give us $20,000, and we will bill against your deposit for any of the special services that are applicable. If you behave, you’ll get your $15,000 back, but — I’m just being honest here — no one ever behaves.

The Mother Rider

We do not take any instructions from the Mother of the Bride (hereafter, “MOB”). In fact, the MOB is not allowed to talk to us, send letters to us, approach us or say our names out loud. The MOB shall consent to a restraining order, to be registered with the police of the appropriate jurisdiction, in which she agrees not to come within 120 feet of any band member. For each violation of this provision, we charge $5,000.

The Drunken Best Man Rider

The Best Man shall remain clothed throughout the entirety of the proceedings. He shall not touch any bend member, particularly any member’s member. He may not request “Freebird” at any point. Penalty for violations — $1,000.

Singing with the Band Rider

Sing along with the Band. Dance. Be happy. Get lit. It’s all good fun until someone wants to stumble on stage and sing into our microphones. First of all, you can’t sing nearly as well as you think you can. I know you sound great in the shower, but a real microphone bears little resemblance to a shower head. Second, you’re loaded. You can barely stand much less maneuver the amps, cords, stands and instruments to mount the stage. Third, do you really have a sense of pitch? Ask yourself. Be honest. If the answer is yes, sing a little into your cell phone and give it a listen. Still wanna sing in public? Violation penalty — $2,500.

The Food Rider

We’re hungry. We schelp all that gear around, set it up, play the gig, tear down, clean up and load out — all while watching you throw down some overpriced slop. We want a decent meal and a few drinks to wash it down. Penalty for crappy food $500.

The Requests Rider

Is there a song with special meaning for you lovebirds? Keep it to yourself. No one cares. And it’s almost certainly inappropriate to play at a wedding. Master of Puppets is a lovely tune — but not for the first dance. Baby Got Back? Not for the recessional. No one can shake their ass to Endless Love. Penalty, $2500.

The Original Song Rider

Perhaps you or friend have “written a song” for your big occasion. Great. We’re not playing it and we’re not backing you up while you “sing” it. But if you insist, the cost is $4,237.

The Romantic Location Rider

Do you really want to get married on a beach? The beach is hot, sandy, bug-infested and dirty. It might make a good photo, but as best the experience will be painful and at worst downright dangerous. So too with other “romantic” places — boats, mountaintops, prisons. Nonetheless, we’ll play in your location of choice for an additional $5,000.